Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
