He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
