i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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