Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
