can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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