OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
