pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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