They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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