I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
