Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
