the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
