I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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