guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
