Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
