I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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