This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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