why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
