This dress was meant to end up on your floor
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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