READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
