i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
