wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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