Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
