I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Dignity is for republicans.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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