I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
The ass gains better be worth it
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
