I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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