Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
