As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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