What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
