Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
