so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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