Welp...herpes.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
