The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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