I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
