I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
