i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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