2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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