I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I could fuck to npr.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
