i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
