I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
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