fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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