You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
