My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
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