god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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