I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I love you. Go after that dick
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
