I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
