the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
did i walk over a car last night?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
