Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
