I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
