every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
