she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
