I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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